In My Day

“Back in my day I was retiring on my sixty fifth birthday. Not going out for my first drink,” Grandpa said, reminiscing about the past again.

“I know Gramps and I’m sure I’ve told you a million times that I don’t need to be reminded about all the things you were already doing by the time you were eighteen. You also would have been dead a long time ago if things were still like they were back then.”

“Well you don’t bloody have to remind me that I should be dead. I’m not exactly happy about living on with no idea when I might cark it. There’s nothing for me to do but potter the same garden I’ve been pottering in for the past seventy years.”

“You’re a pioneer Grandpa. One of the first generation to experience an extended life.”

“What good does that do me? The only reason anybody cares about us is so that they can figure out all of these stupid new laws like making the legal age sixty five instead of eighteen. They should have left well enough alone. What kind of man should have to live that long without being able to legally drink, vote and fuck.”

“You dont have to worry about that. I’ve had my fair share of fun without needing to wait for some ridiculous milestone.”

“Good boy, I didn’t wait when I was your age either… Dammit, you know what I mean.”

“I do and I think drinking and fucking underage at sixty five is a little different to doing it at eighteen but I’m not judging you. It was a different world back then.”

Grandpa glared and then started laughing at his own words being sad back at him for once. He took a long drink of his beer as I simply swirled mine around. It didn’t taste as good as I had expected it too now that I was allowed to have it.

“So are any of these girls you’ve been fucking old enough to give me a great grandchild.”

“It isn’t girls multiple. It is only one girl. But no, she is only sixty three. In any case she doesn’t want to have kids straight away just because she will be old enough in two years. She wants to live a little and maybe have kids in her hundreds.”

“God knows how much longer I’m going to be around. I can’t wait another forty or so years to hold another McDonald baby. Look around the bar; I’m sure there are a lot of nice young women who would love to have a baby with a handsome young man like you.”

“I’m not going to sleep with someone else Grandpa. Emily and I are in love. We will have kids when we are both ready.”

“Love. Pshh, you’re only a kid. This is your first love. You need to get out there and experience some real women.”

“I don’t understand you gramps. Less than a minute ago you were going on about all the things you had done by my age and how you had lived an entire lifetime worth of events. Now you are saying that in that same amount of time I’m only a child.”

“Well the world has changed and its the way it treats you now. You still act like a child until you are sixty five. Perhaps if you had lived a bit more I’d be happy for you and I’d be willing to wait. But that’s certainly not what I’ve seen. Now go and talk to that brunette at the bar, she’s been eyeing you since she walked in here a few minutes ago.”

“No, I’m not going to-”

“Argh, just get off your high horse boy and go and talk to her. You don’t have to fuck her. But at least see what you could get by experimenting with an older woman. She looks to be about eighty and by god if you don’t go over there I’m going to make a move myself.”

“Come on Gramps that’s just sick, she could be your granddaughter.”

“Yes and if things hadn’t changed she could also be your mother. But-”

I couldn’t take him any more so I slid off of my bar stool and carried my drink towards the bar. The brunnette kept her gaze locked on me the whole way over and I couldn’t drag my eyes away. She was absolutely stunning and even though Grandpa had guessed she was eighty she didn’t look a day over sixty five. Every objection I had had a minute ago about betraying Emily disappeared out the window.

“Hi handsome, buy me a drink,” she said as I sidled into the chair beside her, still unable to break my gaze.

“Sorry I can’t. I’m not legal until tomorrow. They only let me in with my Grandpa if I promised not to try and buy a drink until midnight.”

“Oh I didn’t realise you were underage,” she said and broke our eye lock, turning to scan the bar.

I checked my watch and saw that it was nearly ten. “Hang on its only a few hours. Surely we can work something out until then.”

Her eyes and head snapped back around. “Look kid I’m not looking to break in some amateur, okay?”

“Woah, I’m not a virgin.”

“Oh you’ve slept with some girl so you think you can handle a real woman.”

“That’s not exactly what I’m saying. But yes, I’m sure I could show you a thing or two.”

She drained her drink, gently placed the glass on the bar and then climbed down out of her stool.

“Where are you going?” I asked hesitantly.

“I thought you were going to show me a thing or two. So come on then.”

I didn’t want to cheat on Emily but this woman was gorgeous and I couldn’t find the power to resist her. I drained my beer as quickly as I could and slammed the glass down on the counter. As I climbed off of my stool I saw her wink at someone over my shoulder. When I turned my head Grandpa saw me and quickly turned away and stared absently into the distance.

“Wait, what was that?” I asked, spinning the brunette around before she could walk away.

“What was what?”

“You just winked at my Grandpa. Is this a setup?”

“Look kid, the old man already paid me to fuck you. So are you going to do it or not.”

I stared at her, too stunned to talk and she waved her hand in front of my face. I still didn’t respond so she turned and stormed off towards the door.

I heard heavy footsteps behind me and then a hand grabbed my shoulders and Grandpa said, “Are you insane?”

“I’m not going to sleep with a prostitute Gramps.”

“Fine, but I’m not losing that money. I’ll see you later boy.”

He shoved around me and ran as fast as his frail old bones could manage, chasing the prostitute into the street. I felt for the bar stool and dragged myself back into it, slumping down with my arms on my legs. “Message Emily. I love you,” I said clenching my back teeth together before and after delivering the message. I sat quietly thinking about what I had almost done until I heard a ping in my ears. I clenched my back teeth together and I heard Emily’s voice.

“I love you too, when are you coming home?”

I stepped off the stool with a smile on my face and headed towards the door. Grandpa was right; he couldn’t wait forty years for the next McDonald child and neither could I. I was going to go home, propose to Emily and tell her that on her sixty fifth birthday we would get married and start our own family. We’d already spent half of our lives together. Just because the world viewed us as children and denied our adulthood didn’t mean we weren’t ready. In the old way of the world we would of had our own grandchildren by that point in our lives and been retiring. Simply by order of living longer didn’t mean that our rights to become adults should have been altered.


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