Murder at the State Fair

“The sights and sounds of the New York State Fair will astound and amaze,” announced the speakers.
“More like the deep friers and grills,” a teenage boy rebutted sarcastically, glancing at the morbidly obese couple in front of him in the ticket line.
The couple turned their whole bodies because their necks were too fat to move. “This boy here knows what the Fairs all about. Ain’t that right Billy-Joe?” Sheila asked, waving a leg of fried chicken through the air.
“That’s right baby, no better place to be,” Billy-Joe agreed, a chicken drumstick in each of his hands.
“Yeah America!” The boy boomed and then muttered under his breath, “The land of Free Willy and the home of the fat. Sheila turned back to the front realigning the orbit of the planet and found herself at the front of the line. She took a ground shaking step forward and handed two greasy dollar bills to the ticket salesman. “I love dollar day,” she muttered through a mouthful of chicken, not seeing the disgusted look on the salesman’s face as he reluctantly gathered the money and handed Shiela two tickets. “Means more money to spend on fried goodness!”
Without a word of thanks she handed Billy-Joe a ticket into his already drumstickless hands and then stepped towards the turnstile entry. She aligned herself sideways to the turnstile, not that it made any difference to her width, and offered the ticket to the guard. When he offered her the stub and said, “Have a great day,”, Sheila ignored him and barely squeezed through the gap.
Billy-Joe stepped up to the gate and received his ticket stub back before trying to even enter the small turnstile. When he stepped forward with his extra foot of circumference compared to Sheila he completely wedged himself between the two sides.
“You can go through the pram gate if you need to Sir,” the guard offered with a friendly smile.
“Don’t you call me fat. Who do you think you are?” Billy-Joe spat and forced his way through with great effort.
A fair attendant handed them two maps and they stopped in the way of the entering crowd as they unfolded one. Billy-Joe stabbed a meaty finger at the area of the map marked for Midway and then took off at a steady pace as Sheila was caught between fumbling with the map and keeping up. The idea of food was too tempting and she let the unfolded map flap in one hand so she could concentrate on walking.
The crowd had already filled the fairgrounds causing the paths to be completely blocked by slow moving crowds. Most people however were still moving quicker even than the food induced ‘jog’ of the overweight couple.
The two hundred metre walk around Chevy Court took them past the main stage and right to the Dinosaur Barbecue stall. The couple stared into the kitchen drooling for almost an entire minute before Sheila said, “I’m gonna bet me some bar-bee-queue, you meet me back here in ten.” She walked to join the back of the line and Billy-Joe didn’t need to be told twice, he shot off towards the first stall selling fried dough.
Billy-Joe bounced between the stalls for the next ten minutes buying one of every different thing he could find. When he returned to Sheila he had an armful of candy apples, syrupy waffles, iced doughnuts, roasted nuts, deep fried oreos and snow cones; not to mention all of the foods he ate instantly upon buying them.
There was a very short wait for Sheila to approach the front of the queue and buy her food but by the time she approached her husband with a tray of ribs he had already devoured everything he had purchased.
They each grabbed a rack of ribs from the tray and started back through the stalls. Having the ribs half in his hand and half in his mouth didn’t stop Billy-Joe from stocking up on one or two of everything that he had missed in his first ten minutes.
“Good evening Ladies and Gentlemen and thank you for visiting the New York State Fair. This evening I have the pleasure of introducing our final night’s entertainment; The Doobie Brothers,” the speakers announced just as they couple reached the Dairy Products Building.
With a garbled question through overflowing mouths the couple decided to cut through the building and circle back towards the stage in Chevy Court. On the way through Billy-Joe stocked up on as much food as he could carry, he was going to be standing still for some time to watch the performance after all. Sheila carried a more modest amount of food, enough to feed a family for an entire day, but still a lot less than her husband.
They barged their way through the passing crowd blocking the road and entered near the back of the grassed area directly beside Dinosaur Barbecue. Billy-Joe shoved two doughnuts into his mouth as soon as they had stopped walking and after one bite he froze. After a seconds delay he discarded all of the food to the ground around him and grasped at his chest. A look of utter despair crossed his face and then he collapsed with an almighty thud.
“Oh my god somebody murdered my husband!” Sheila squealed.
“I think it was the Pillsbury Dough Man,” a teenage boy joked, surveying the scattered deep fried foods around Billy-Joe, and the crowd tried to hide a chuckle.


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